Friday, November 1, 2013


More training. >.<
Alicia says I'm getting better. But for some reason I'm not sure about that. Just because I can spar with her doesn't mean I won't panic in a real fight. I know she's trying to help but maybe I'm just not cut out for this.

I wish I had her confidence. The way she can just walk up and punch proxies in the mask. Or when she kicked that Socky thing out of the window. I've read her previous blogs and some people seem to think she's suicidal. But I think its selfconfidence. It's like she knows she can survive almost anything.

On the other hand..
I don't know how she can just.. kill proxies without thinking about it. Yes I shot three of them myself and said it was frighteningly easy. At that time it was. But now.. I keep seeing that moment in my mind. I took their lives. Here I am with a second life.. of sorts. And I'm taking other people's lives. How is that fair?.. I mean the Fears are something that needs to be stopped, but their servants? They're still just human beings.. Isn't there another way to do this?

There must be.



  1. That's what I've been saying from the start.

    1. Well sorry... I don't read the comments most of the time..